I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
wow bdsm is so cute
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