I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
