How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
