I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Randomize
