He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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