I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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