When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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