we have pet lesbian snakes
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
