my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
