just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
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