dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
