Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
