My room smells like vodka and shame
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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