ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
