I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
