Where did you get a picture of my penis
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
People in love make me want to vomit
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
