i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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