Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(919): View more from North Carolina

The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.

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(415): View more from California

Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.

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(907): View more from Alaska

I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.

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(305): View more from Florida

she said she was living bicuriously through me.

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(626): View more from California

You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.

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(406): View more from Montana

Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced

(1-406): View more from Montana

Way to crack the case Nancy Drew

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(218): View more from Minnesota

I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.

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