Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
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