but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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