Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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