I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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