Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(989): View more from Michigan

Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket

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(415): View more from California

Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home

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(612): View more from Minnesota

you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier

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(845): View more from New York

Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours

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(620): View more from Kansas

I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.

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(727): View more from Florida

Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees

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