I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
