from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
