Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
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