I CAN MOONWALK!
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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