My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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