Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
