That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
