smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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