dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
