so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
