Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
