Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
