I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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