You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
