Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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