new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
