i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
