I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
