im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
