When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
