Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
