No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
