who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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