i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
