I cockslap morals
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
