cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize