Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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