Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
