So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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