Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
