he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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