3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
