he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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