Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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