Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
