put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
