Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
