sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
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