I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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