i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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