why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
