U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
