He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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