i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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