turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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