I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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